I'm in the middle of a book entitled
Killing: Misadventures in Violence by Jeff Sparrow, who I saw at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas. Sparrow gave an intriguing talk about
Why We Enjoy Killing, which was partial allusion to some of the themes he explored in his book, and also an incredibly passionate source of food for thought in these times of war and seemingly inescapable violence.
It was particularly interesting to hear Sparrow talk about the inevitability of war/violence after attending the preceding talk by Rear Admiral Chris Barrie, which presented and outlined a proposition to bring back conscription. One of Sparrow's points that resonated with me from his talk at the Festival was that a country such as the US has spent literally billions of dollars funding their efforts in the War On Terror, a war which implicitly has no real end/solution in sight. He posited the idea that if the US decided instead to use this money to provide potable water to everyone on the entire planet, it would probably do a lot more to win hearts and minds than any sort of nation-building action that has taken place thus far. Would something like this ever actually happen? Probably not, because despite the clear logic behind taking such a purely positive action with a vast sum of money/resources, there are too many people/organisations that have vested interests in maintaining the status quo.
Of course, I'm paraphrasing and simplifying what Sparrow was saying, and leaving out everything that he said before he reached this point in his talk. Another pertinent point of his was that if you took everything that was said about the Iraq War by even the most conservative of opinions (it will be controlled, it will be short, it will be targeted/specific and minimise any effect on civilians), you could spin it around 180 degrees to get what actually happened/is happening. Not that I know anything about Operation Iraqi Freedom in general or particular, apart from the fact that the ADF's contribution in Iraq (Operation Catalyst) ended in July this year, and that's only because I chose to read my email carefully that day.
I don't know if it was the mood I was in that weekend, from the come-down of being in the soapbox finals (after ranting about women in the military and having more than a healthy dig at Greg Sheridan, no less), or from spending a rainy couple of days in Sydney by myself... but I felt a bit strange about being who I am, and where I was. On one hand, I was getting all fired up about how conscription (no matter how innovative and 'fair' Barrie's new program may have seemed) would possibly be to the detriment of the next generation of young Australians, while I was a serving member that didn't feel compelled enough to care about international affairs, to know anything apart from ADF press releases about what part we had to play in wars on the other side of the world.
I remember when I first started talking to people about enlisting, and how I'd end up having by-the-by conversations with people about
their reasons for not following a similar path to me:
Oh, I couldn't possibly join the military...- I'm a total pacifist. The idea of being told to fight in someone else's war goes against everything I believe in.
- I don't think I could just do whatever I was told to do. The idea of blindly following orders because I had to, scares the bejeezus out of me.
- I question everything too much. I don't think I'd last too long in a military environment without speaking up about something that wasn't adequately explained or justified.
- I'm too much of a control freak. The idea of submitting to anonymous authority figures and the decisions they make is the last thing I'd want to do.
Personally, I think I am a combination of all of these points. By signing on the dotted line, I accept that I have agreed to serve Queen and country for four years of my life, and to remain on call to serve further if someone higher up sees fit. I didn't enlist because I am pro-violence or in favour of any war - rather, if all shit hits the fan, I'd rather be in uniform and doing my bit for my nation than taking a back seat and bitching about how war's good for absolutely nothin'. Don't get me wrong, I am not foolish enough to believe that the ADF's participation in wars around the world is anything like that of countries like the US, nor do I think Australians in general have any real concept of what it would be like to have war/violence as a constant feature of one's culture.
For the record, I do question things, and I am a bit of a control freak. I don't know how I manage to avoid getting into trouble more often for having this sort of attitude, but after not getting kicked out thus far for the things I have said and done, I can probably safely say that it is possible to survive within the ranks (as lowly as I may be?!) without becoming a mindless drone. There have been many times in my life when the authority that I have answered to has been a lot less defined or structured, and I believe I have been more damaged through the control I have given to others during my civilian life, rather than in the time I've spent in uniform.
If anything, prior to my enlistment, I probably wouldn't have had the nerve to get on a soapbox and rant about women in the military (or anything similar that would get me into the finals and voicing my thoughts in front of hundreds of strangers). I wouldn't have formed opinions about the ADF and conscription to ask serious questions of Rear Admiral Barrie after his talk. I may not have even come across Jeff Sparrow (apart from perhaps through the Overland literary journal that he edits), let alone his book on killing. I definitely wouldn't have cared to pay more than accidental attention to the ADF's involvement in Iraq.
I had numerous reservations of my own about enlisting, and about becoming a part of something much, much, bigger than myself for the first time in my short and somewhat sheltered life. Although I can understand why it is generally believed that there's more bad than good about joining the military, I'd like to say that it has made me a better person. You could say that I'm spouting just what the ADF wants me to, but let me also add that although the ADF can be a great option for certain people, it's definitely not for everyone. I think I had a point to make about the relation between making hundreds of sandwiches and holding a gun to someone's head, but that might have to wait until I've finished the book...
cross-posted to ironedchef
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